My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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