You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
