You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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