On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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