handjob tips. give me some.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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