Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
there's paper in my vomit.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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