Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
