dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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