i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ok first of all what the fuck
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
