What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
