guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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