Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
