you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
