it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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