There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
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My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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