There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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