ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
third nipple confirmed
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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