i would punch a child for taco bell
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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