If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
