I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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