Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
honey bunches of taint.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
