Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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