You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
