She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
