Define "chronic" masturbator.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
