I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
