I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
