At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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