so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
