It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
