ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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