My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
