Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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