just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
