i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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