I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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