If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
