I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
