I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
