i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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