A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have aggressive nipples.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
