i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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