going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
