Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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