areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
