Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
