ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
