So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
