i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
