Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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