I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
