listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think people are normalizing furries
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize