I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
