Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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