She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
