College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
