haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
