wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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