I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
