Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
