I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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